In all honesty, this is one subject that can not be over flogged. For some, it forms the very basis of their relationship. For others, it is a very essential part of it. To a whole lot of people, that is the definition of relationships. Whichever way you look at it, you may not talk effectively about relationships without talking about sex. I am yet to see any relationship that has survived for long without the introduction of sex. In fact, just having sex may not be enough. Sex must be good for it to effectively affect any relationship positively.
As usual, I will be leading us into my personal experiences about sex and I will be giving suggestions based on what am sure worked for me and am hoping am able to also help somebody out there through this article.
Understanding his/her views about sex
Very important!! You neglect this at your own risk. One fundamental mistake I found out is that people assume a whole lot of things when it comes to the issue of sex. We want him/her to think and see things the way we see them. We want to believe they understand the story the way we understand and we act based on this very erroneous assumption.
In dealing with people generally, we must first understand that we are from different backgrounds, have different temperaments and different levels of intelligence and understanding. All these factors affect the way we view things. I would not expect a shy deeply religious lady to respond to sex the same way the extroverted fly lady would. It does not mean the two of them do not like and enjoy sex, but they would react differently when approached with issues of sex. One may not see anything bad in freely discussing sex and even having spontaneous and outdoor sex while the other will never discuss sex in the open and would have all doors closed before she has sex. Here the two of them enjoy sex but they will need two very different environments to get turned on. And when the right environment comes, they give out similar excitements.
Understanding your partner’s views on sex is very important. Sex is a very integral part of any love relationship and it pays to carefully give it the attention it deserves.
Doing it his/her way
This is a follow-up of understanding his/her views. I have this belief that in love, the more you give, the more you receive. I have actually put this into practice several times and it has consistently given me the same positive results. In dealing with my wife, whether it is sex or any other thing, what is paramount in my mind is giving her maximum satisfaction. And I have found out that the more I try to please her the more she opens up to me having it my way. But first, I had to understand her stand and work from that point. It is very important that you take time to understand your partner’s views on sex, what he/she likes about it, how and when he/she would be open for sex. And afterward, you start by working from his/her point of view. That way, you are able to open him/her up to receive new things. You are able to put him/her in a relaxed secure state since you are starting with what she likes and is familiar with. I have had my wife change her overall view about sex but I first had to start from her point. She used to be this very shy type and would never discuss sex in the open. That was not my style but I understood that about her and of course had to respect that. Over time, I observed that the more I gave into her own ways of sex; the more open she was to understanding my ways and was not resisting my ideas. That enabled us strike a balance between what she enjoys and what I enjoy. Now, we go into sex wanting to please each other and we find out that we both end up getting the appropriate satisfaction. She is increasingly more open about sex now and am happier for it.
All am trying to say is this, sex is a two-party issue. There should be no impositions here. When you understand my ways of doing things and I understand yours, and we respect each other then we are better off for it. It should not be done selfishly with the soul aim of satisfying only yourself. I have come to find out that when you make love with the satisfaction of your partner in mind, the satisfaction that you get is always beautiful. Your partner is not a harlot. You are not paying for that sex. You should have his/her satisfaction in mind and endeavour to always leave him/her better after sex. Do not damage his/her ego by making love to him/her like you do not care. It could crush your relationship.
Improving Your Sex Skills
You have understood your partner. You know exactly what he/she wants in sex and you are willing to do it. Now you are trying your best but it looks like everything you have tried is not working. He/she is beginning to get increasingly uninterested in sex and it’s all because you are not giving him/her the best. You are thinking; what do I do next? That relationship you so much cherish is about crashing. Your ego is folding up. You are confused. Sex, instead of being a thing of pleasure is increasingly becoming periods of anxiety and fear. You love sex but you hate to think of having it with your partner because you are never going to be able to get him/her to full sexual satisfaction. What do you do?
First I will want to assure you that you are not alone on this. I was once where you are. In fact mine was so bad I would give my wife excuses just to be away from her over the weekends. I had the energy. I knew exactly what she wanted but I did not know how to give it to her. It made me very jittery and am sure you have an idea of what it was doing to my ego. It was devastating me. But running away has never solved any problem so I made up my mind I was going to do some thing about it.
I will make two suggestions here:
1. Depending on the closeness between the two of you, you could let him/her know the challenges you are facing and how willing you are to change things. That way, he/she is brought into the picture and it makes it easier for you.
2. Learn, learn learn. Read books. See sex movies (not pornographic movies), consult experts, ask questions, and then practice. Above all, be patient. It will take time but you will surely get there.
Your health and Sex
In my previous post I wrote a personal story about how your energy and fitness level can affect your love life. You can read it on my blog. Here, I will be dwelling more on some other health issues that can adversely affect your sex life. Remember the main objective of this blog is to provide suggestions and personal recommendations towards building strong and lasting relationships and that’s exactly what I will be doing here.
Sex as an act can be very demanding and as such we need to be in the very right frame of mental, emotional and physical fitness to be able to enjoy sex. If any of these three is lacking, then it becomes more difficult enjoying sex. I know how disturbing some of these issues can be especially if they are those ones that you can not freely talk about. You know it is killing your relationship, you want help but you can’t really come out to tell people. You fear the risk of being ridiculed. You are hurting and you would rather live with the problem than let people know. You are actually keeping away from potential relationships because of these issues. You are not alone. This blog has you in mind and am going to try to put out here what I know works.
The two very common complaints that I get from women are:
1. It does not take him up to 30 secs to get done.
2. He is not good in bed
3. His penis is not big enough.
4. He has a very bad breath.
5. He has body odour.
From the men I get:
1. Her vagina has a stench.
2. She is boring in bed.
3. She has a very bad breath.
4. She has body odour.
The good news is that all these are treatable and you can have your sex life back in no time. Visit my blog to see the recommended materials. It is my desire that you have a fulfilled love experience in your relationship. Please let me know how much this article has helped you.